Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
