Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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