STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
