I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
