It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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