If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
