soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
