I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
