He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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