My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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