he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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