so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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