I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
