GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
