I feel like I'm in dance class right now
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
