If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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