yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
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