Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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