OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
