I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Alive.
So much puke
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
