She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
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I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's