I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.