I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
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Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.