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so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dating After Heartbreak
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.