could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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