it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
