you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
