do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
