Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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