He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
