If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
