There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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