He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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