I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
