Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
