my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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