i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
