Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
