Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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