can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
