I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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