I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
