I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
