Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
