Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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