Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
