dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
