I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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