why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
