First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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