Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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