Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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