So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I supernannyed him into submission
Please don't give away my fajitas
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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