Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
