would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
