You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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