He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize