I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
