Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
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