At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You can't special order awesome
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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