OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
