And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
