I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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