She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
