I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
