JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
