well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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