Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
