How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
