I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
They took my balls.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
