you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
