non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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