I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
