ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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