I CAN MOONWALK!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
