I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
