Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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