I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I cockslap morals
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
