I can text with my tongue
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
