she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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