We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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