I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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