I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Can you repeat that, but with context?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
