dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
