I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
