Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
