How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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