He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
