ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
