she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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