She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
