Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
