Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We don't watch enough power rangers
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize