Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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